I found peace in breathing.

My 9th letter to you.

Time pushes me to breathe, inhale and exhale with gratitude, and all my desire to live a meaningful life lies in the peace of breathing.

Someone asked me, “Do you feel like you are doing something meaningful in your daily life?”

I answered with a smirk, “I don’t think of what I do in my everyday life to be meaningful. So if I have to look for ways to do things with meaning, then I have to strive, and there is no point in striving, but I’m pretty much satisfied, and to be satisfied is meaningful enough.”

I have learned not to ask for anything from anyone or want things to happen the way I like them. Instead, I have known to be patient, and I remember when I asked God for help, and that was the only desire to survive and rise from the slump was all I could muster to ask. And now my prayers are simple; breathing. I don’t want to exhaust myself by waiting for my wish to be granted; only because I have spent my time waiting for it to happen that I forget everything else, and it rarely happens.

“Why?”

To your question, “I find no evidence for the person I love to return to me even how much I have hoped or wished. It doesn’t work that way, and there’s no other way to make it happen. To imagine her coming back is like being deluded with delusion. God wants me to get real, even if the truth hurts, but at least it forced me to see the reality; jolted pain numbs me enough to lose any desire to wish for the impossible.” Sometimes reality can be hard to swallow, and you would need time to digest it, but with no desire for earthly things, whatever we want is possible to be given because God knows a better way than we do.

So I keep my life simple with breaths and heartbeats; at least it’s possible to achieve peace without fault.