Freedom Awaits.

The 15th letter to you.

Dear readers, if I have any or anyone has read this blog. During my seclusion from writing and updating this blog, I have lived with novels for quite some time. I was obsessed, and my interest in reading peaked during this “lifelong” medication process from last year. I lost my creativity, and all my feelings were numb to the point I couldn’t feel emotional, leading me to stop creating altogether. It also made me think I was unsatisfied with my status quo. I want to change the status quo. I want to tear apart the walls that keep me from creating and living a life with feelings, no matter how sensitive I may become. I want to achieve freedom from drugs to keep me numb from my innate sensitivity. I want to listen to music and feel the meaning behind each song, to be moved to tears or laugh out loud—dancing and eating delicious food and be touched by the wonders of life with my heart.

And why can’t I? Because of fear? Fear hindered me many times from breaking free of medications because I was afraid my family couldn’t handle my true self, that they may see me as crazy, but that in itself is an illusion because that’s fear and not truth. Absolute truth. Once I was open to the possibility that the shackles I thought someone put on me were only myself, I ventured out there and opened myself up and talked to my family, and that’s when I broke the shackles. I tied the knot and am the only one who can untie it. Fear has no room when love enters. With love, there’s no fear.

All the worries that kept me in a vicious circle bred the anxiety that wasn’t supposed to be there, snowballing into a massive hindrance for me to enjoy my life. That’s not how life was supposed to be, even though it’s possible that it could be like that. Because many lives in anxiety and worries more often than we may know. But how can I have eaten the fruit, seen the magnificent colors of this world, and enjoyed the ultimate freedom that goes back to becoming shackled down again?

NO! I REFUSE!

No more hiding in the corner, shivering from anxiety and closing myself up because of depression. The world can’t change when I bugged myself with all these troubles that are only smoke and clouds. It’s all illusion. When it’s complex or too much to bear, the sun still rises, and beautiful days are ahead; we need to put it all aside to enjoy the sun’s rise and beautiful day. Whatever that may be, whether you go for a walk or drink your favorite coffee, listen to a song. Anything that makes your body refreshed and your body relax.

So, I am mentally prepared to cope with the abstinence of quitting my medicine. At least take half a dosage of what I used to take. And I believe with faith, anything is possible. I will gain back my freedom. I leave you with this letter to inform you and to stay in touch again through this blog. I will blog more later if I have time.