Rekindle hope

The 17th letter to you.

Hello again, and how are you? It’s been quite a while since I last post a new update. My life is quite idle and less interesting.

As you may know, I am on psychosis medication and it numbs my feelings, it’s actually nothing new. Taking medicine and going through this cycle of weaning off medication happens once or twice a year. I feel I am on a lifelong process to quit this kind of medicine, but I still hope to change and quit for good.

I can’t stress enough how important feelings are to us human beings. Even though some of us are extremely sensitive and can feel feelings on a deeper level, but that’s not just a curse but a blessing in disguise. For me it’s a blessing and I miss having those deep feelings to create and be inspired by, and because of those feelings I can be more alive and passionate. My world is so bleak without feelings.

We are not made of steel, we all have a beating heart, without feelings what’s life? I don’t want to regret anything when I lay sick and before death that my life is wasted because I couldn’t express my feelings through art or writing. I don’t fear death, but I fear if I die without giving anything valuable to my descendants I would feel so much guilt that my soul won’t be able to rest.

I feel I need to pick up my task or my lifelong mission again and resolve the challenge before me even how difficult it may seems. I can’t back down or feign ignorance at this juncture. I just hope that I will be able to use my abilities to help those in need, but right now I need to help myself.

I don’t want to give up, so let me rekindle my hope to continue.