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Alive.
The 26th letter to you. My heart leaps, galloping in ecstasy because it found meaning in beating. Even how arduous this journey seems to be, the struggling of climbing mountains or swimming oceans, it’s still worth it. For each step, I come closer to my inner-self, and once I am in harmony with myself, I come closer to you. There is a profoundly meaning for the heart to pump blood and beating ceaselessly; I’m alive. And now, you think being alive is just something we do, but actually, it’s the beingness. Being. Being in love makes me do all kind of things. Every doing stem from that. So be and feel the…
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Your Shine.
The 15th love letter to my, Twin Ray. Your beauty is exquisite, like a painting which I don’t get tired of looking. With you I am never bored, there are so much in your mind I want to explore, and I marvel at how you can wake up to another morning and make the world better for your loved ones. The nearest way to touch you now is through my words, and the closest way for you to see me is through these sentences. Look closely, I have changed, and it was all because of you. You turned my world upside down, and fortunately, all these changes have made me…
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Goodbye.
Post from the past 7. Memories threads through a red string attached to my little finger, along with the line I found it was knotted loosely around your foot, so loose that I barely felt that you have long ago walked away. I have fallen so many times for the wrong person, so many times that I wished you would be the last; however, I never expected that you weren’t the one for me. I have come to realize, I’m not right for you, and to hear the sound of your footsteps walking away from me is saddening, but what I also know is that life moves on. The red…
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A Sigh, And a Breath.
The 25th letter to you. Once upon a time when I was full of energy and motivation to engage and contribute to this world, I was delight and happy to be able to share my happiness and inspiration with people around me, but after taking the medicine daily my motivation dwindle over time. However I am not too sad or disappointed in myself for the changes that comes with medication, but it still a real struggle for me to engage in reality without slipping back to my own world. I lament at how medicine could numb me so much that everyday feels like a battle, but maybe this is a…
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Keep Going.
The 24th letter to you. So, what is the meaning of my existence? I ponder long and hard, yet I still find the mind fascinating to be able to hold so many thoughts and ideas. It’s like a vast expanse of blue sky with no boundaries. Where do I start and where does it end? I have such high expectations of myself that healing becomes a task, as if the goal I set needs to be achieved overnight. The fact that changes happen over time is far beyond my expectation, as if the world would collapse if I couldn’t see the results I want immediately, what a pipe dream. Of…
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Fountain of Love
Post from the past 6. Somewhere I belong to the desert land, anywhere else I can’t find the thirst to understand what love is. Because love is like water, it’s so rare in the desert that it makes me more grateful when I finally find the fountain within myself. If I lost myself and my heart, I’ll not bow down and feel defeated but stay strong and keep the faith. Look at the sky; many clouds could go awry in a blink of an eye, make raindrops fall slowly down the earth, but still, the sky stay the same. Who can be sure of what tomorrow might bring, and who…
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The Choice I Make
The 22nd letter to you. All the hiding makes the heart anxious, all the secrets make it heavy. The world is how it is, and I need to learn it’s okay as it is, instead of looking through the filter of the mind. Sometimes I want to talk freely without concealment, but people tend to judge and criticize, it’s hard to stay open and honest without lying. This world can be hard sometimes, and I want to shut out all the darkness that tries to penetrate through the cracks of my mind. Stillness is difficult with a mind full of negativity and endless nagging. How do I live? Sometimes I…
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Enough Is Enough
The 21st letter to you. Everything feel so wrong once I feel my anxiety roars at me; my body feels wrong, my hair seems odd, my face imperfect and so on. Why is that? The only thing I could do is to sit still in silence and meditate instead of distracting myself from the anxiety. The only way out is to sit with my anxiety and feel it to release and understand why, and through letting go of the thoughts in my mind that trip me off that I could truly feel calm and peace. It’s to see the truth straight in the face instead of being afraid of meeting…
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Affection On My Fingertips
The 14th love letter to my, Twin Ray. To hear you say “I love you” is strangely distant to me. I have never once thought that words could be piling up and that my stomach knot itself in distress. I look past the dawn and see the sunrise on the horizon. You are gone, but I’m still here waiting for you to appear like a shooting star I can wish upon. I don’t fight in a war, but why do this feels like I am battling? Emotions disrupt my peace and exceeding numerous time from nowhere. I guess I can’t hide them under the rug and call it a day,…
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The Eternal Flame
The 20th letter to you. Once again I stand up from the ashes after the fire burned me, the flames that tempered my soul seared and smith me like a sharp sword; the eternal flame. You see, nothing is impossible if your mind is strong enough to endure hardship and suffering, at least not when you have a burning wish or desire to fulfill. When I find myself ascending to a higher dimension, and understand what I needed, I don’t mind being put back in the “cage,” being under surveillance or forced to be medicate to eventually get my freedom, because all those are only illusions. I accept and willingly…
"Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness and still become something beautiful."
