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Letting Go.
Post from the past 10. The moment I walked away I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to someone I love. But I realize if I don’t let go, I might fake happiness, and I was never good at pretending, not when I feel the intensity of my emotion. The moment I say goodbye I died a little inside and all that was left was ache and pain. I don’t know if it was my stubbornness or a foolish attempt to hold on, but whatever reason it was, it was never to hurt someone that means the world to me. Letting…
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Goodbye Addiction.
Post from the past 8. I have fallen like an angel who broke her wings, wings made of raw bones etched into my soul which entrapped the body inside the heart with a promise of free will once ridden of toxic. Hands shake and mouth shivers with lungs as black as night, craving another cigarette. I can’t lit you up tonight baby, because life is haunting me, threatening me with death if I once again inhale chemicals and toxic like I do with oxygen. I held onto you and watched you crumble between my fingers. I destroyed you as vengeance because you cheat me of those precious moments of my…
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Rest And Reset.
The 28th letter to you. The moment I open my eyes to the dawn of light I have figured out that I am not here to fit in. It’s strange that I feel more normal than ordinary people do. Within me, I hold a sacred knowledge of how to be a peaceful and loving being. I am a sage which no one knows of, and it’s probably for the best that no one seeks me out, because I am weary at the moment. My bones are cold, and my veins bubbled with exhaustion. I am tired of the transmuting. That’s what I do, but people don’t know that. I am…
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The Warmth of Someone Who Can Cherish Her.
The 27th letter to you. She doesn´t have to tell me her stories to let me know what she has been through; we are not different from one another; she has feelings, and I have that too. I love to spend my time in her presence. I used to tell her how rare the moments are once we´re alone together with no interruption from the outside world. It´s a privilege and should be enjoyed by the most. When she is off guard, I would steal a glance and lock myself into her gaze, and I could see what is hidden there behind those mysterious eyes. Shhs, don´t tell her! She…
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Alive.
The 26th letter to you. My heart leaps, galloping in ecstasy because it found meaning in beating. Even how arduous this journey seems to be, the struggling of climbing mountains or swimming oceans, it’s still worth it. For each step, I come closer to my inner-self, and once I am in harmony with myself, I come closer to you. There is a profoundly meaning for the heart to pump blood and beating ceaselessly; I’m alive. And now, you think being alive is just something we do, but actually, it’s the beingness. Being. Being in love makes me do all kind of things. Every doing stem from that. So be and feel the…
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Goodbye.
Post from the past 7. Memories threads through a red string attached to my little finger, along with the line I found it was knotted loosely around your foot, so loose that I barely felt that you have long ago walked away. I have fallen so many times for the wrong person, so many times that I wished you would be the last; however, I never expected that you weren’t the one for me. I have come to realize, I’m not right for you, and to hear the sound of your footsteps walking away from me is saddening, but what I also know is that life moves on. The red…
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A Sigh, And a Breath.
The 25th letter to you. Once upon a time when I was full of energy and motivation to engage and contribute to this world, I was delight and happy to be able to share my happiness and inspiration with people around me, but after taking the medicine daily my motivation dwindle over time. However I am not too sad or disappointed in myself for the changes that comes with medication, but it still a real struggle for me to engage in reality without slipping back to my own world. I lament at how medicine could numb me so much that everyday feels like a battle, but maybe this is a…
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Keep Going.
The 24th letter to you. So, what is the meaning of my existence? I ponder long and hard, yet I still find the mind fascinating to be able to hold so many thoughts and ideas. It’s like a vast expanse of blue sky with no boundaries. Where do I start and where does it end? I have such high expectations of myself that healing becomes a task, as if the goal I set needs to be achieved overnight. The fact that changes happen over time is far beyond my expectation, as if the world would collapse if I couldn’t see the results I want immediately, what a pipe dream. Of…
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The Choice I Make
The 22nd letter to you. All the hiding makes the heart anxious, all the secrets make it heavy. The world is how it is, and I need to learn it’s okay as it is, instead of looking through the filter of the mind. Sometimes I want to talk freely without concealment, but people tend to judge and criticize, it’s hard to stay open and honest without lying. This world can be hard sometimes, and I want to shut out all the darkness that tries to penetrate through the cracks of my mind. Stillness is difficult with a mind full of negativity and endless nagging. How do I live? Sometimes I…
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The Eternal Flame
The 20th letter to you. Once again I stand up from the ashes after the fire burned me, the flames that tempered my soul seared and smith me like a sharp sword; the eternal flame. You see, nothing is impossible if your mind is strong enough to endure hardship and suffering, at least not when you have a burning wish or desire to fulfill. When I find myself ascending to a higher dimension, and understand what I needed, I don’t mind being put back in the “cage,” being under surveillance or forced to be medicate to eventually get my freedom, because all those are only illusions. I accept and willingly…
"Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness and still become something beautiful."
