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Alive.
The 26th letter to you. My heart leaps, galloping in ecstasy because it found meaning in beating. Even how arduous this journey seems to be, the struggling of climbing mountains or swimming oceans, it’s still worth it. For each step, I come closer to my inner-self, and once I am in harmony with myself, I come closer to you. There is a profoundly meaning for the heart to pump blood and beating ceaselessly; I’m alive. And now, you think being alive is just something we do, but actually, it’s the beingness. Being. Being in love makes me do all kind of things. Every doing stem from that. So be and feel the…
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Goodbye.
Post from the past 7. Memories threads through a red string attached to my little finger, along with the line I found it was knotted loosely around your foot, so loose that I barely felt that you have long ago walked away. I have fallen so many times for the wrong person, so many times that I wished you would be the last; however, I never expected that you weren’t the one for me. I have come to realize, I’m not right for you, and to hear the sound of your footsteps walking away from me is saddening, but what I also know is that life moves on. The red…
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A Sigh, And a Breath.
The 25th letter to you. Once upon a time when I was full of energy and motivation to engage and contribute to this world, I was delight and happy to be able to share my happiness and inspiration with people around me, but after taking the medicine daily my motivation dwindle over time. However I am not too sad or disappointed in myself for the changes that comes with medication, but it still a real struggle for me to engage in reality without slipping back to my own world. I lament at how medicine could numb me so much that everyday feels like a battle, but maybe this is a…
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Keep Going.
The 24th letter to you. So, what is the meaning of my existence? I ponder long and hard, yet I still find the mind fascinating to be able to hold so many thoughts and ideas. It’s like a vast expanse of blue sky with no boundaries. Where do I start and where does it end? I have such high expectations of myself that healing becomes a task, as if the goal I set needs to be achieved overnight. The fact that changes happen over time is far beyond my expectation, as if the world would collapse if I couldn’t see the results I want immediately, what a pipe dream. Of…
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The Choice I Make
The 22nd letter to you. All the hiding makes the heart anxious, all the secrets make it heavy. The world is how it is, and I need to learn it’s okay as it is, instead of looking through the filter of the mind. Sometimes I want to talk freely without concealment, but people tend to judge and criticize, it’s hard to stay open and honest without lying. This world can be hard sometimes, and I want to shut out all the darkness that tries to penetrate through the cracks of my mind. Stillness is difficult with a mind full of negativity and endless nagging. How do I live? Sometimes I…
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The Eternal Flame
The 20th letter to you. Once again I stand up from the ashes after the fire burned me, the flames that tempered my soul seared and smith me like a sharp sword; the eternal flame. You see, nothing is impossible if your mind is strong enough to endure hardship and suffering, at least not when you have a burning wish or desire to fulfill. When I find myself ascending to a higher dimension, and understand what I needed, I don’t mind being put back in the “cage,” being under surveillance or forced to be medicate to eventually get my freedom, because all those are only illusions. I accept and willingly…
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The Light Within Us
Post from the past 5. The collective consciousness spilled over like madness, and everyone is in intense trauma ready to release their darkness. There are chaos and such horrified unpredictable actions towards one another. People get offended quickly, and no one wants to listen to the truth. Perhaps it’s not easy to wake up to the truth, that this world has many hidden secrets which revealed to the rest of the people who are still sleeping. I have been awake for a very long time. Everything started in 2011, and I have worked with my shadows over the past few years. I have learned to balance my darkness and light.…
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Imperfection Perfect
The 18th letter to you. Dear, can you feel any change within you that reflects outward while the clock is ticking? With this year almost over, I feel empowered to be motivated and inspired by contemplating death that I become the ‘imperfection perfect’ human being after my stay at the buddhist monastery for 3 days. It was like finding scattered pieces of a jigsaw puzzle in my meditation and contemplation of death. The anxiety of swallowing solid food was my fear of death, and it was also because I was ignorant of how to express myself in my daily life that I become numb, paralyzed and tired. My anxiety to…
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Freedom Awaits.
The 15th letter to you. Dear readers, if I have any or anyone has read this blog. During my seclusion from writing and updating this blog, I have lived with novels for quite some time. I was obsessed, and my interest in reading peaked during this “lifelong” medication process from last year. I lost my creativity, and all my feelings were numb to the point I couldn’t feel emotional, leading me to stop creating altogether. It also made me think I was unsatisfied with my status quo. I want to change the status quo. I want to tear apart the walls that keep me from creating and living a life…
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Make the impossible possible.
The 14th letter to you. Dear beloved reader, Have you ever longed for a place far beyond this world where unconditional love is at the center of everyone’s hearts? Have you ever felt hopeless in a world with little integrity and dishonesty? Were you wanting to be in power and control your mind, becoming a sovereign being with your own choices instead of being manipulated for being sensitive and empathic? I once had this dream. Since I started junior high school, I have been wondering about these questions, and I had this urgent need to find the answer in my heart. Deep down in my soul, I knew there was…
"Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness and still become something beautiful."
